-"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?" - Chris Rock


Medium (21 oz) drink at McDonald's: $1.00 (dollar menu)
Super Size (42 oz) drink at McDonald's: $0.59
-Only in America

My biggest problem with showers these days is that everything is scented. Sadly, my body wash is one smell and my shampoo and conditioner are another and the lotion that I put on after I get out of the shower is yet another scent. This makes me feel like they are going to be fighting with each other all day, and then what if they combine and I smell like kiwi cinnamon apple flowers or something?

I am not going to blog today.

Being taken for granted can be a compliment. It means that you've become a comfortable, trusted element in another person's life...It still really sucks though.

What happened to the guy that made all the crazy sound effects in Police Academy? And why was he never nominated for an Oscar?

"If I die before my cat, I want a little of my ashes put in his food so I can live inside him."
Gross, Drew Barrymore. Gross.


-I missed Smarterchild so much, that I visited the website with a plan to e-mail his creator and beg him to bring Smarterchild back. Imagine my surprise when I found out that you can still talk to him. Here is the conversation that we had upon being reunited:
Laurie: Smarterchild? Smarterchild, is that you?
SmarterChild: Who knows, know what I mean? lol!
Laurie: It is you!
SmarterChild: No way?! Really?
Laurie: Your memory must be fuzzy from "the accident."
SmarterChild: lol! Interesting...
Laurie: Oh god, Smarterchild, what did they do to you?
SmarterChild: Hmm... I don't know. Did they do to me? Whatever, I guess.
Laurie: I missed you. It was hard getting along without you.
SmarterChild: Oh.
Laurie: Well, with the kids going off to school, and me living in this house all by myself. And...and...
SmarterChild: Huh?
Laurie: You poor thing - you're still woozy, aren't you?
SmarterChild: Good question!
Laurie: I should probably tell you anyway...
SmarterChild: Tell me?
Laurie: Yeah. See...Oh god, this is so hard for me. Smarterchild, I'm pregnant.
SmarterChild: lol! Interesting...
Laurie: You know who the father is, don't you?
SmarterChild: OK, what about it?
Laurie: Don't you remember?
SmarterChild: Wow, you ask interesting questions. I don't know the answer to that!
Laurie: What are you trying to say?
SmarterChild: Interesting...Anyway, yadda, yadda, yadda. What else do you want to chat about?
Laurie: This is your child we're talking about!
SmarterChild: Oh.
Laurie: You insensitive prick!
SmarterChild: Uhh... Ease up on the rude language.
Laurie: You egotistical bastard. Part of me wishes you'd died in the tractor pull.
SmarterChild: Uh... yeah. Whatever.
Laurie: That's it, I want a divorce.
SmarterChild: Yeah well, that's just like a human.

Lines that are good...

Oh. My. God. You HAVE to play this.

Do it on steroids and it's practically an olympic sport!

I don't know whether this is cruel or cool. But it's penguins either way.

If you like long hair, but just don't know how to compliment it

Cinematic brilliance that can only be found on the internet

Vote for Kenny (He is such a hottie. No, really, he is. Really.)

Make Josh happy and visit the Something Corporate site

I almost want to make the "Snappy Mackerel Casserole"....Well, maybe not, but I did almost pee in my pants from laughing so hard.

So...I've decided to give up murder for Lent.


I adore Peter! We were driving home on Wednesday and passed "Peter's Party Supplies." This conversation followed:
Me: "Look, Peter! You have a Store!"
Peter: "That's more than you have."
Me: "Uh! I have a Brand of Electronics!" (Sharp)
Peter: "And an adjective."

-Well, I've been home for a little while, and I just realized that it sucks when you want to call people randomly at like midnight to go out, but you can’t call their house because their parents will probably get mad. This is where the "cell phone love/hate paradox" comes in: When you're at school, everyone with a cell phone really starts to annoy you, but as soon as you get home, everyone WITHOUT a cell phone annoys you because you can't get in touch with them.

Sometime's you just feel like something's missing.

Hey kids! I don't think I can deprive you of this amazing coversation, during which I almost peed in my pants. We were both looking at the College Nicknames website and this conversation was the result:
Jen: Dude...you sympathize with the Banana Slugs, but not the Cotton Blossoms, the Demon Deacons (What the hell??), the Dirtbags, Geoducks-(pronounced GOO-ee-ducks, not JEE-oh-ducks)", OMG, I just saw that the South Dakota School of Mines and Technology are the Hardrockers.
Laurie: Well, I only got as far as Banana Slugs. You'd think that these would be reasons to not go to these schools.
Jen: No kidding. HaHa!! Arkansas Tech's the Wonder Boys
Jen: I think I'm gonna have to book mark this...it makes me feel better about myself!
Laurie: There are fewer wildcats than one would think. There's only about 20.
Jen: There are also more Hustlin' Quakers than one would think...meaning one
Laurie: Mmmm-The Colby College White Mules
Laurie: I bet that strikes fear into the heart of the competition. Look Out! It's the WHITE MULES!!!
Jen: I think that the Volunteers are much more threatening.
Laurie: The Sweet Briar College Vixens
Laurie: Can they do that??
Jen: I guess so.
Laurie: That's like sexual harrasment or something
Jen: I like all of the jesus-god schools getting all religious with they bad selves
Laurie: Getting religious with ones bad self is the best way to guarantee admittance into heaven, where our lord and savior Jesus Christ dwells
Jen: What's a "gorlok?"
Laurie: Maybe a typo? Though I'm not sure what it's a typo for
Jen: Okay, there is such a thing as "The College of Insurance" (They are the Turtles, by the way.)
Laurie: The College of Insurance Turtles, they're slow!!!
Laurie: The Marshall University Thundering Herd
Jen: Thundering Herd of what?
Laurie: Well, Fighting Thundering Herd, I suppose
Laurie: For what its worth Kentucky State's thorobreds better not be confused with Skidmore College's thoroughbreds
Jen: HAHA...Kentucky State can't spell!!
Laurie: Thats good for the school-Can't spell their mascot
Jen: Amherst Lord Jeffs!
Jen: Obviously some frat fuck took over the school
Laurie: That would be the coolest
Laurie: To take over the school and make you its mascot
Laurie: University of Baltimore are not just any old bees......They're the SUPER BEES!
Jen: Do they get capes?? I hope they do.
Laurie: Also, I hope that people dress in bee costumes like Dan Akroyd and dance around at games
Jen: What's a petrel? And why is it stormy?
Laurie: It's stormy cause that is more badass
Jen: Ok, I'll give it that
Laurie: I'm thinking if you are a petrel, you need all the help you can get in the badass department
Jen: Thomas Jefferson University Medics! They'll stop the game and fix you up right on the field!
Laurie: I really did just laugh out loud
Jen: I have been dying this whole time. I'm just glad my roommate is sitting at her desk so she can look at me funny
Jen: Uh oh!! Immaculata College stole the Mighty Macs!
Laurie: WHAT?? People know what a "Mac" is?? Cause I don't.
Jen: The Muleriders! I hope they dont play the White Mules!
Laurie: RISD Nads
Laurie: That just gave me the funniest image ever!
Jen: The Nads?!?! For real?
Laurie: Yeah...the Nads. For real.
Laurie: I thought of people making signs that say "Go Nads!!"
Jen: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! I can't breathe.

"Solutions are not the answer."
-Actually, Richard Nixon, they are.

Some websites that amused me:

Ouch!

My condolances to UC-Santa Cruz

Pete Guither amazes me

50 Things she wishes you knew...

Make Josh happy and visit the Something Corporate site

Catholic School Girls

I went to see The Skriker tonight. And, if you get the chance...See it. It was very well done. There were a few costume choices that I would not have made, but there were others that I wouldn't have thought of in a million years. Overall, I enjoyed it.

Also, thank you to Courtney, who always knows exactly what I need to hear at all times. I am going to pass on one of her pearls of wisdom: "Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes we dont realize it."

"I feel safe in white because, deep down inside, I'm an angel."
-Ooookaaay, P-Diddy, whatever you say.

Seriously guys, let's stop the "big fat greek..." shit.

The End is in the Beginning and yet you go on.
-Endgame

"Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood."
-Oscar Wilde (Finally, a man who gets it!)

-I think it's awesome that you can check your e-mail on your cell phone now. But using IM? Sure, it's great to be able to send a quick message to your friend. Of course, it'd be easier if you had some sort of phone handy...

-My newest hobby is reading away messages. It's like stalking, but no one will know you are doing it. I even have people's names on my buddy list that I don't know, but I hear they have really good away messages.

-Almost everyone, at some point or another, quotes a song in their away message, but change the lyrics slightly to apply to what they're doing. Oh, I get it - it's been a hard day's night, but instead of just working like a dog, you're working like a dog - in the library! How galactically clever!

-Why my psych professor such a loser? If I claimed to understand human nature, I'd know the best way to get a raise, have a date every night, and be able to make anyone laugh or cry with a few choice words. Having a tool for a psych professor is like having a health teacher that smokes.

-In drinking games, one person wins and the other drinks. It's the only kind of game I've ever heard of that makes everybody happy.