Saturday, January 18, 2003

The Friday Five:
1. Where do you currently work?
-I'm a bum, and I don't work. I hope to ride the laziness train as long as possible.
2. How many other jobs have you had and where?
-Woo-Wee! I've worked at MMc, the (infamous) Pool, Murphy Electric, and slave labor for multiple theaters.
3. What do you like best about your job?
-Hmmmm, I thought we covered this....
4. What do you like least about your job?
-Are you even reading my prior responses?!?! I do NOT have a job!
5. What is your dream job?
-At this point, any job would be fine. Argh! I need a job.

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

Day two of classes is over! My roomie strolled in at 3 AM last night. Doesn't matter anyways, I wasn't sleeping very well anyways. Overall, I'm pretty tired. I haven't been sleeping very well lately and I'm not sure why. Eh, I'll figure it out.

An excerpt from an actual instant message conversation between an unusual friend and I (For fear of being bombarded with Instant Messages, this friend chose to remain nameless):
Friend: I just have to figure out how to make money without a having a real job
Friend: But I have not figured that part of the equation out, so until I do, I remain.
Me: Have you thought about moving? Or is that not what you want to do?
Friend: Not yet. I want to stay in Bloomington a little longer and milk it for all I can until there's no more milk and/or I am constipated from all of the dairy.
Me: I don't follow
Me: (I'm pretending I don't get metaphors today.)
Friend: Okay.
Friend: So pretend that Bloomington-Normal is a giant teet. Filled with milk
Me: Bloomington's a city. I don't get it.
Friend: No.. no it's not. It's a teet.
Friend: A teety if that's easier for you to remember... it kinda rhymes with city. city= teety
Me: No, I'm pretty sure it's a geographical point where I live.
Friend: Okay. Yes. You are correct.... but did you know that underneath the large mass of land that you sit/stand/live on there resides a large breast?
Friend: All of our city is built on top of it. We built this city of rock n' roll and a breast. A very large breast.
Me: Really? Wow. Now that is interesting.
Friend: Yes.You didn't know that cause you're not from here originally and haven't taken the cave/breast tour.
Friend: So anyway.
Friend: I have found the nipple of this giant breast. I've been drinking from it---don't worry, it's sanitary.
Me: I can't believe you kept this from me!
Me: So there is a huge abundance of milk? Aren't you going to get constipated from drinking that much of it?
Friend: A huge amount of milk
Friend: Yes.. see, that's my point.
Me: You don't want to get constipated.
Friend: I'm plan to keep drinking from the breast that is under Bloomington until there is either A) no more milk or B) I become constipated. And at either point A) and/or B) I shall move away to find another breast to suckle.
Friend: I know that I went into great detail to give you my point, but I hope that you now understand.
Me: So there are more breasts like these underneath cities?
Me: Now is it just college towns? Or other cities too?
Friend: Every city has a large breast under it. Some breasts are larger than other... and some of them produce sour milk. It just depends on what nipple you feel like attaching to.
Friend: Our nation is just one giant rack of titties.

Attended: 6
Missed: 0

Monday, January 13, 2003

The People of Central/Southern Illinois: There's More to Illinois than Chicago
Being from "up north," I have seecretly been studying the people that are from, what they have named this place, Central/Southern Illinois. I have been watching them from afar, studying their way of life, clothing style, environment, interreactions, etc. I have decided to share my findings with you, my dear readers. They are an interesting species and I am hopeful that I will gain a great deal of knowledge from them. There are a few notable differences between them and us, including but not limited to, their ability to attend tractor pulls and actully watch intently, the suprising find that they do not have EMPIRE Carpets down here (and therefore they don't have the commercials), and the way they have one high school for multiple towns. While all of these observations on their way of life interested me a great deal, I will write about them at another time. Today, we will be talking about their environment. The creatures live in a land of farms. And the flat terrain causes strong winds to sweep o'er the plain. My cute little hat has blown off the top of my head many times. Actually, earlier today my hat was lifted from my head and carried across the quad. Only when Kenny Metrof caught it, did I get it back. Also, the climate in which these remarkable creatures reside is different. They are slightly warmer down here. One possible explanation is because they are closer to the equator, but I have not yet documented the cause of thier nice weather. In Chicago, we too have great winds. We too have large quantities of snow. And we too have days that make us feel all hot and tingly (and not in the good way). But, I regret to in form you, they have COLD down here, folks! You cannot imagine my surprise when I found that my "warm" coat did much less to shield me from their harsh winds than it did to sheild me from the sweeping winds of Chicago. Chicago weather is a peculiar thing. The climate fluxuates from extreme heat to biting cold and back into a heat wave again before the work day is done. Schools are cancelled because it is too cold one week and because it is too hot the next. Yes, my friends, my findings regarding the weather down here are perhaps the most interesting ones that I have found to date. Regardless, I will keep you posted on new observations, comments, and general concerns for their well-being.

Attended: 4
Missed: 0