Friday, August 01, 2003

"I am mindful that we're all sinners. And...and...I caution those who try to take the stick out of their neighbor's eye when they've got a log in their own."
-Bush when asked his views on gay marriage. Who would have guessed that Dub-yah would be against homosexuality?!?




-Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld on the search in Iraq for weapons of mass destruction: "That's just a matter of time." -President Bush on his manhunt for terrorist leaders: "It's just a matter of time." -Ari Fletcher, White House Press Secretary, on attempts to capture Saddam: "It's just a question, a question of time." -We've yet to hear from Vice President, Dick Chaney on this subject...but, I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

If we blew up the moon, we could feed the whole world.
(Think about it....)
I don't know when it happened, but I woke up one day realizing that I was lucky to know you.

Thursday, June 05, 2003

Things I Like:
-Big, Floopy Hats
-40's Style Dresses
-Mary Colleen's Car
-"Harry Potter" books
-Neofuturist Art
-People with really interesting names
-Monorails
-The word "Jubilant"

Monday, May 26, 2003

In protest to France’s opposition to a U.S. war on Iraq, the U.S. congress’ cafeteria has changed French Fries and French Toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast. In related news, in France, American Cheese is now referred to as Idiot Cheese.
They're laughing at us over there! French fries aren't even French! They're Belgian. Some American guy named them wrong, to begin with. Also, Americans are pouring bottles of French wine down the toilet. Stop doing that! The wine is already paid for, you dopes! Pee in the wine, and sell it to some French people! Then, you're doing something! Americans need to stop thinking that by eating Freedom Fries, they're being patriotic and helping the war effort. Use less gasoline! Read a newspaper! How about we cut out the Freedom Fries, anyway. We're the fattest, country in the world! Have you ever walked around an American mall? It's nothing but Chick-Fil-A's and Lane Bryant track suits busting at the seams!

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Doesn't it drive you crazy when you fall in love...and the person you fall in love with rips your still-beating heart out of yuor chest and puts it in their backpack and walks away. I hate that.

Thursday, May 01, 2003

I love my roommate because she assures me that I am not crazy, though all hard evidence indicates otherwise.

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

American troops shoot Iraqi civilians for protesting. And this makes perfect sense, because here in America, we don't believe in freedom of speech or the right to protest or anything like that. I mean we have the Bill of Rights, but other people don't deserve the rights that we have. I guess it just proves that we're better than everyone else.

-Thank you, Jessica!

Sunday, April 27, 2003

Lately, I think that the only reason I keep my blog is so I can ignore it.
"Everyone told me to pass on Speed because it was a 'bus movie.'"
-Sandra Bullock, I would have told you to pass on it because it was a Keanu movie.


Well, Here's to Love.

Thursday, April 17, 2003

I decided that if I opened a porta-potty company, I would change my name to John and call it John's Johns...Either that or Mister Pister.
-It would suck really bad if you were a crossing guard and got hit by a car, because I can't imagine that would help on your job application.
-I think it would be really funny to hide underneath the fruit at a super market. Then, when someone came along to pick out some oranges or something, you could pop out and start throwing fruit at them. I bet it would be just as funny if you hid in the frozen meat department. Nothing is funnier than getting a steak stuck to your face.

Saturday, April 12, 2003

My life is just one giant ball of irony.
-Just one of the millions of reasons that I adore Gabi


Cannibal fun for everyone!

Here's how to get you a lady

Paper-Scissors-Rock

Wow, Foreign people are funny.

Some Good, Clean, Passover Fun. (I especially like the Ten Plagues Adventure)