The Redhead at Home

Day two of classes is over! My roomie strolled in at 3 AM last night. Doesn't matter anyways, I wasn't sleeping very well anyways. Overall, I'm pretty tired. I haven't been sleeping very well lately and I'm not sure why. Eh, I'll figure it out.

An excerpt from an actual instant message conversation between an unusual friend and I (For fear of being bombarded with Instant Messages, this friend chose to remain nameless):
Friend: I just have to figure out how to make money without a having a real job
Friend: But I have not figured that part of the equation out, so until I do, I remain.
Me: Have you thought about moving? Or is that not what you want to do?
Friend: Not yet. I want to stay in Bloomington a little longer and milk it for all I can until there's no more milk and/or I am constipated from all of the dairy.
Me: I don't follow
Me: (I'm pretending I don't get metaphors today.)
Friend: Okay.
Friend: So pretend that Bloomington-Normal is a giant teet. Filled with milk
Me: Bloomington's a city. I don't get it.
Friend: No.. no it's not. It's a teet.
Friend: A teety if that's easier for you to remember... it kinda rhymes with city. city= teety
Me: No, I'm pretty sure it's a geographical point where I live.
Friend: Okay. Yes. You are correct.... but did you know that underneath the large mass of land that you sit/stand/live on there resides a large breast?
Friend: All of our city is built on top of it. We built this city of rock n' roll and a breast. A very large breast.
Me: Really? Wow. Now that is interesting.
Friend: Yes.You didn't know that cause you're not from here originally and haven't taken the cave/breast tour.
Friend: So anyway.
Friend: I have found the nipple of this giant breast. I've been drinking from it---don't worry, it's sanitary.
Me: I can't believe you kept this from me!
Me: So there is a huge abundance of milk? Aren't you going to get constipated from drinking that much of it?
Friend: A huge amount of milk
Friend: Yes.. see, that's my point.
Me: You don't want to get constipated.
Friend: I'm plan to keep drinking from the breast that is under Bloomington until there is either A) no more milk or B) I become constipated. And at either point A) and/or B) I shall move away to find another breast to suckle.
Friend: I know that I went into great detail to give you my point, but I hope that you now understand.
Me: So there are more breasts like these underneath cities?
Me: Now is it just college towns? Or other cities too?
Friend: Every city has a large breast under it. Some breasts are larger than other... and some of them produce sour milk. It just depends on what nipple you feel like attaching to.
Friend: Our nation is just one giant rack of titties.

-LAURIE'S CLASS COUNT:
Attended: 6
Missed: 0