I decided that if I opened a porta-potty company, I would change my name to John and call it John's Johns...Either that or Mister Pister.

-It would suck really bad if you were a crossing guard and got hit by a car, because I can't imagine that would help on your job application.

-I think it would be really funny to hide underneath the fruit at a super market. Then, when someone came along to pick out some oranges or something, you could pop out and start throwing fruit at them. I bet it would be just as funny if you hid in the frozen meat department. Nothing is funnier than getting a steak stuck to your face.