In protest to France’s opposition to a U.S. war on Iraq, the U.S. congress’ cafeteria has changed French Fries and French Toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast. In related news, in France, American Cheese is now referred to as Idiot Cheese.
They're laughing at us over there! French fries aren't even French! They're Belgian. Some American guy named them wrong, to begin with. Also, Americans are pouring bottles of French wine down the toilet. Stop doing that! The wine is already paid for, you dopes! Pee in the wine, and sell it to some French people! Then, you're doing something! Americans need to stop thinking that by eating Freedom Fries, they're being patriotic and helping the war effort. Use less gasoline! Read a newspaper! How about we cut out the Freedom Fries, anyway. We're the fattest, country in the world! Have you ever walked around an American mall? It's nothing but Chick-Fil-A's and Lane Bryant track suits busting at the seams!

Doesn't it drive you crazy when you fall in love...and the person you fall in love with rips your still-beating heart out of yuor chest and puts it in their backpack and walks away. I hate that.

I love my roommate because she assures me that I am not crazy, though all hard evidence indicates otherwise.

American troops shoot Iraqi civilians for protesting. And this makes perfect sense, because here in America, we don't believe in freedom of speech or the right to protest or anything like that. I mean we have the Bill of Rights, but other people don't deserve the rights that we have. I guess it just proves that we're better than everyone else.

-Thank you, Jessica!

Lately, I think that the only reason I keep my blog is so I can ignore it.

"Everyone told me to pass on Speed because it was a 'bus movie.'"
-Sandra Bullock, I would have told you to pass on it because it was a Keanu movie.


Well, Here's to Love.

I decided that if I opened a porta-potty company, I would change my name to John and call it John's Johns...Either that or Mister Pister.

-It would suck really bad if you were a crossing guard and got hit by a car, because I can't imagine that would help on your job application.

-I think it would be really funny to hide underneath the fruit at a super market. Then, when someone came along to pick out some oranges or something, you could pop out and start throwing fruit at them. I bet it would be just as funny if you hid in the frozen meat department. Nothing is funnier than getting a steak stuck to your face.

My life is just one giant ball of irony.
-Just one of the millions of reasons that I adore Gabi


Cannibal fun for everyone!

Here's how to get you a lady

Paper-Scissors-Rock

Wow, Foreign people are funny.

Some Good, Clean, Passover Fun. (I especially like the Ten Plagues Adventure)

-Today I realized that Chocolate satisfies me in a way no man can.

A conversation between Jen and myself:
Laurie: Did you know that Phil Collins is deaf in one ear?!
Jen: WHAT?!?
Jen: He's like mozart!!!
Laurie: Yes, Phil Collins is exactly like Mozart. Exactly.

"Every relationship I've been in, I've overwhelmed the girl. They just can't handle all the love. "

I sure wouldn't be able to handle all that Justin Timberlake love, could you?

Mary Colleen doing the Alligator Cheer:
Mary Colleen: "Alligator, Alligator, Woof Woof Woof."
Meggan: "Did you just say "Woof Woof Woof?"

-"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?" - Chris Rock


Medium (21 oz) drink at McDonald's: $1.00 (dollar menu)
Super Size (42 oz) drink at McDonald's: $0.59
-Only in America

My biggest problem with showers these days is that everything is scented. Sadly, my body wash is one smell and my shampoo and conditioner are another and the lotion that I put on after I get out of the shower is yet another scent. This makes me feel like they are going to be fighting with each other all day, and then what if they combine and I smell like kiwi cinnamon apple flowers or something?